Every day, someone comes up to me on the street and asks me for a business card. They usually say something like “Hello, might I have your business card?”But because I am in no business, I have no such card. However, in a blinding flash of light it has suddenly occurred to me that I might not actually need to be in business in order to have a card. This flash of idea light was very explicit, and told me that I could even walk around with multiple sort of business cards and nobody would be the wiser.
It also told me that people tend to believe anything if you hand it to them on a card while looking deadly serious. After all, they think, nobody in their right mind would actually commission a fake business card just to be able to hand it to other people while laughing internally.
Haha! They have underestimated me and my ability to persevere in pointless tasks!
First I need a universal sort of business card that just tells people that I’m available for doing business:
The HR stands for nothing, but I’m hoping that it’ll be a subconscious way telling HR departments that I’m the one for their business. More importantly, it just sounds cool. The number 1 is because I’m possibly number 1 or 2, or at least somewhere in the top 10 list of people doing this sort of business. Lastly, the business card creator asked for a website, and I used Google because pretty much everyone loves Google.
Next, I went with a more specific card. The tiny coffee cup, umlauts in my name, super-sized mustache, and PhD in Mustacheology all convey me as being an entirely powerful yet eccentric character. The man is in rustic black and white and looking to the left. His face can be read as either knowing some secret wisdom, or about to effortlessly kill someone who slightly off-frame.
This card has multiple uses, the least of which is if I ever become a door-to-door flag salesman. I also had to use my nickname, Duke, because it’s more American. It’s actually possibly the most patriotic and manly name possible. I also wanted to hint that I’m a house-owning patriot, and that I’m simply not afraid of expressing my patriotism on the fierce anti-American world of the internet.
This is what I call my power card. What could be more business-like than selling money itself? I took a hyphened name as well, that way I could possibly be associated with a rich and powerful family. Besides, hyphened names tells people that I’m too powerful for just one name. Note also that I am a Vice-President. I didn’t want to be too unbelievable here, and that tells people that I’ve got room to grow and thus haven’t lost spine.
Well that’s good enough for now. More cards will be in part 2.
